gladstone being a lovesick fool
gladstone being a lovesick fool
hello!! thanks for visiting aeji planet's center of thoughts. basically, it's like i invited you to my house, sat you down at the table, told you i had a fun activity for us, then talked your ear off all day about my fleeting thoughts over the past years. bonus fun because most of the time there's zero substance to them.
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autistic inertia is beating my ass right now i still can't believe i finished that much of the index. it also explains why i feel like i take so long on assignments. i have no idea how to split my work into smaller tasks throughout the week, so i try to dedicate each day to certain assignments. and then convince myself that i can complete them in a single day but um that never works out for me
i'm actually so glad that i post all of these thoughts here because often i'll forget how to stay optimistic... especiallyyy about school. when my agenda feels too overwhelming and i can't figure out where to start i kinda just... shut down. or my environment doesn't feel right and i can't stay engaged in my work. it kinda feels like i'm making excuses, but after yesterday (long story short i was so angry the entire time i was working on my homework... i kept having to change places and put on/take off my headphones bc i felt like my head was going to explode) i think it's safe to say i need to create the right.. idk.. ambience.... for studying. honestly, i got through high school with the slightesttt bit of studying, so this is a big adjustment for me. i forgot where i was going with this so i'll just jot down points. ul time
I REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO SAY. i've just been really bummed out since school started. i failed english and government (the classes i'm taking right now) when i took the dual credit classes in hs so i'm super nervous. i'm trying my best to stay optimistic!!! i know i have the potential to do good in these classes!! i just have to put in the time and effort. aaa i hate to say this, but i wish i had a better support system. last time i opened up about my academic struggles to my friends i just felt stupid... (my family understands me, but i can't really go to them for help with the actual work) BUT LALALALALA that's not important right now. i think. ANYWAYS I CAN MAKE IT. I HAVE THE RESOURCES. OKAY. i'm now officially hyped up to be a full time student (i'm suffering) yup. woo. if u don't hear from me for another week either i've successfully implemented good studying habits or i'm rotting in my room. farewell ^_-
just warning u guys that i might rewatch my school president soon. beware. anyways i love tinn. he's so pathetic. pathetically in love. whipped. ultimate loser. some guy gave him shaved ice and he was like oh man im in love with him. i'll admit i'm oversimplifying this but even if i didn't he's still a silly guy. he tries so hard to put up this facade as the school president but when he's alone he's giggling and kicking his feet over the leader of their school's pop band. he makes me sick. as drake mallard once said, " i wanna keep him in a big jar in my closet." yeah. i'm exaggerating by the way, i swear i'm normal about him and love him dearly. thank u watch msp if u want to watch some silly high school love story between the school president and some guy in a band goofbuy
i need to read the life and times of scrooge mcduck. i've had enough of his mysterious immortality. on another note i think it's funny how goldie asks rockerduck how he's still alive in dt17. HOW ARE U GUYS ALIVE
i finally finished my english homework so now i get to blah blah blah. i saw this tip where u write your assignments on sticky notes and move it up whenever u make progress, but i have nowhere to stick my (WEAK) sticky notes... so disappointed (in them). i decided to draw flowers instead!! i choose a flower based on the number of petals, which equals the number of steps i made up in my head for the assignment. then, i color in a petal for each step i finish! super fun And it's a great excuse for me to study flowers for a little bit each week.
i also designated time slots for making earrings. saturdays and sundays are for sure (minus this week bc i was stressing over english). if i finish studying at a decent time then i can work on them after. if im REALLY desperate then i can work on them in between subjects. i think that's all i wanted to blather about gootbye.
i'd describe myself as an underachieving student. i want to like school so bad but i'm terrible at keeping up with work. this semester, i'm going to try to incorporate my interests into my academics. my notes are like html. my to-do list on my phone is titled "i can dewey that." i'm trying to convince myself that i can do a bajillion of the things i Actually want to do if i complete my assignments before 5pm. even worse, half of my classes depend on essays.... oughhh i'm so insecure about my writing. ironically, i'm terrified of sharing my ideas and opinions. i hope my bio and chem classes balance it out. i'll look for more ways to make studying interesting once things get going. i feel like a loser for having to do this but if it works it works -_-;
i totally forgot this exists because when i found out about it i wasn't done with the show yet. and once i finished the show i was mourning too much to watch it. I HAVE FINALLY RECOVERED! so i'm watching the table read right now. i just went on here to say i cant't breathe. paget brewster should've been casted as scrooge mcduck
listening to tatsuro yamashita, casiopea, and horii katsumi project takes me to a happy place. i listened to their albums a lot about a year before i went through a terrible burnout, so i associate them with happy memories. they remind me of summers when i was younger. playing outside with friends and family up until the street lights came on. biking at the beach. skateboarding around the neighborhood. having family bbqs until early in the morning. waking up to breakfast at my grandpa's house. playing in the backyard, looking at the fruit trees and roosters. standing outside the open garage admiring all of the stars i can no longer view. i don't think i'll ever fall out of love with their music.
i want to bring back these ocs because i reread my notes on them recently and it made me laugh. they're the only ocs i've ever attempted to flesh out stories for. it all started with this random thought: "oc who brings a special pair of pretty scissors everywhere for spooky reasons i have not come up with yet but also to cut fruit from random peoples trees."
i eventually came up with a reason! i was inspired by the anime death parade at the time, so both of them are arbiters. instead of playing games at a bar, they uhhh. hold on let me check my notes. talk to people... yeah. also instead of heaven or hell, they determine rebirth. and the fancy scissors they have pierces souls. i don't have a set amount of scissors, but each of them are assigned to different jobs. imagine a call center that redirects you to several different lines within the same call... that's where the arbiters work. about to die? the one who's getting a haircut will decide if you can go to the next stage or stay where you were. arbiter was busy getting a haircut when you died? sorry you'll have to be a ghost for a little bit, but we'll redirect you to the one Giving the haircut (sorry... they don't have names yet).
there's supposed to be three main characters, but i lost the character sheets soooo we'll get to details another time. in general, the details are really messy so if you ask me any questions i will absolutely be making it up on the spot :P just know that they're nonhuman and from some otherworld. i want to rename them anyway. i'm thinking about naming all of them a variation of star as a joke. like how all of the mermaids in dt17 are named hope. everyone meet bituin and tala. i need to find a name that starts with an L so they can be the BLT trio. this is the worst idea i've ever had and i'm going with it.
about to watch every seaniccus dt17 review. i already know more than half of the lore he mentions but there's a chance i won't know about some obscure reference and that makes me jump for joy. a little too much joy. the dt17 brainrot faltered for a few days, but after watching these reviews the show has given me another rush of excitement. so much my head is starting to hurt.
THE LAST CRASH OF THE SUNCHASER MY BELOVED
nothing makes me happier than the fact that david tennant had to yell "a sea monster ate my ice cream" in a sound booth for like 2 minutes straight
one time when my friend asked me how my day was i answered with "i don't know" and she couldn't understand how i just... don't know.... so we came up with this thing where i express the quality of my day with a percentage. it didn't last very long, but i think i'll bring it back. 50% to me is neutral. nothing much. nothing cool enough to remember. any number before or after represents the intensity of my emotions throughout the day. anything below 50 leans towards negative emotions and above 50 is positive. it's like a mob psycho 100 spectrum. actually idk i haven't read or watched the series in a while. anyway, today was a solid 49.5%. on a related note, does anyone else try too hard to distinguish whether the person is really interested in your day? whenever my friends asked me at school i never knew how to answer. i know most people say no one really cares about the answer but GGHH IT STRESSES ME OUT. WHAT BRINGS UP THAT QUESTION IN THE FIRST PLACE. whatever. it was good, how about you? GOODNIGHT.
story time. i was the only senior in my ap chem class, so i wanted to make my final project fun for the juniors (read: i wanted to be the favorite senior). i made them do a very serious. intense. complicated lab where you think about the reaction that takes place in a color changing spoon and then eat yummy ice cream. i had to do a surprising amount of research just to figure out how the leuco dye worked. and let me tell you, not enough people are questioning color changing spoons!!!! i went through lab reports just for like. two people to actually read my background. it's okay though. i had a lot of fun with the project and the ice cream made the class happy so WIN WIN!!! by the way, i still have the lab doc. if you'd like to see it feel free to let me know! it's kind of terrible though. i'm reading it right now and i'm taking forever to solve MY OWN QUESTION. i'm not surprised tbh i wrote it at like 1 am the night before my presentation. ^^;
STORY TIME OVER. i will never think about leuco dye ever again. only in nightmares.
edit: FORTY. FORTY (40) MINUTES LATER I SOLVED MY LAB QUESTION. i was missing a key piece of information so basically if u didn't make assumptions or looked further into leuco dyes u would be running around and around in circles. haha. science. btw if ur in high school i'm spreading my ap chem agenda. take ap chem!!!!(if u dare)
edit 2: it's happening again. the horrors. the leuco dye chemicals are getting to my brain. say your last goodbyes...
help i just made myself so emotional... i was looking at my instagram pfp (lily of the nile, a very zoomed in picture of 5 year old me standing next to the flowers) and i remembered how my grandpa planted a variety of flowers on that small patch next to the garage. he always chose huge plants, usually taller than little me... the flowers in the picture look about three inches taller than i was at the time. i loved walking past them on the way to the front door. i was even excited to walk past them on my way out. now i'm not really sure if the plants are still there. :(
i'm sad that i can't remember every species he planted. at the very least i have this picture i guess. looking at it just made me realize that his garden was a core part of my childhood. i didn't talk to him much (i don't remember talking to any of the adults much), but i spent a good amount of time walking around the front and back yards admiring his flowers, fruit trees, and that huge elephant bush right in front of the house. it's kind of bittersweet that this is one of my only memories of him, along with scattered interactions. it might be part of the reason why flowers mean so much to me. they make me feel like i still have some sort of connection with him.
someone said dewey's "not good enough" from s3e03 is like liquid smooth by mitski and i have no words to describe my reaction. i can't breathe why are they right... i see their vision
the other day i was watching dt17 out of order and my dad asked me how i went from s2 to s1. little did he know, i finished the show like a month ago. he thought i was taking forever to finish the show. but no i just have the dt17 bug and keep rewatching episodes. i'm slowly recovering though. i watched a few episodes of milo murphy's law today. i'm kind of terrified that the next brainrotting fixation will commence soon. let's see if i finish dt87 and dwd before that happens...
silly fact: when i started dt17, i let it autoplay while i did my homework or coded, and i only paid attention to bits and pieces. to find the missing details, i watched the whole thing a second time, but i played the episodes extremely out of order. it was fun piecing it back together! i want to watch it from start to finish if i rewatch the whole thing a third time though :P
the jwst captured an image that looks like the merveilles cover and i can't stop thinking about it
i can't wait to work some more on the zine! i'll just blurt out a bunch of ideas here.
today, when i was reading jwst articles, i was reminded of my collection of unfinished books from 2023... and 2022.... and the years before that. yeah i'm ashamed to say i don't read books often. anyway, the articles were interesting and i liked the quiet that came with them. even though i was reading in a loud moving car as my family chatted, my intense focus on descriptions of stars, galaxies, and that one giant planet that's apparently too big for its star (and leih sebtaha playing in my headphones. i need a new album to latch onto) made me feel like i was sitting in silence. i forgot how relaxing reading is.
every year i feel like i'm wasting my time. whenever i have free time i panic because i feel like i'm using it wrong. looking back, i wouldn't say my choices were Wrong, but i could've used my time a lot more efficiently ^^; this year i will!!! i'll make a habit of reading a bit everyday starting today. or yesterday. i think i read good omens yesterday. here's a list of books that have been sitting around in my room: (i'll update the pages as i read!)
going to be normal for once and talk about my day.
honestly, i woke up at 2pm... got a solid nine hours of sleep though so it's nothing concerning for me. a few hours later, i watched dip resin flower tutorials on youtube while listening to leih sebtaha for the 100th time (it's my bgm lately, help i think i played it while i was getting ready too). i started watching them because i was terribly bored. so i thought, why not make good use of my time and find new wire petal techniques. the petals i make can look pretty stiff and cartoonish, but the resin flowers in the tutorials look so flowy!!! my ultimate goal. i found another tutorial where the artist incorporated shell flakes. the result was gorgeous!! the texture reminded me of crystal carvings. i'll definitely start experimenting with petal textures more. i don't want to go on about this too much here, so i compiled a list of my favorite videos to share later! i'll post the links in projects sometime tomorrow.
in the evening, i went out to eat taiyaki and ice cream with my friends! it was my first time hanging out with them in months, so i had a lot of fun. i was freezing cold though. we ate the ice cream outside in 55 F weather. i'm not sure if that's considered cold to others, but i am the weakest link when it comes to the cold. i would rather stand outside in 100 F heat. okay maybe that's a lie BUT MORAL OF THE STORY, i'm just a frail victorian boy who will die if a cool breeze sweeps past me. actually now that i think about it, it was mostly the ice cream to blame... i was alright after i threw it away. anyway, after we finished the ice cream, we walked around the plaza for at least 30 minutes playing the oh so fun game of What Should We Eat. we are the most indecisive trio ever. we should've just spun a wheel from the beginning. we ended up discussing the Troubling Topic in the car until most shops were closed (we kept talking about other things). in the end, we just ended up eating fries. i also got an avocado smoothie with pudding, very yummy! yeah... we had a not so great dinner, but i loved spending time with them!! i love getting carried away by a good conversation... or conversations. today made me realize how much i miss their silly banter. i hope we can find time to hang out again soon :]
those were the most notable parts of my day! not the most packed day i've had this week, but it was the most fun ^-^
i have a futon and this teenie tiny triangle table under my loft bed. it's my favorite place to relax!! special features include:
i just wanted to point out the silly details on webby's board! this is the updated board from tla: part one :]
1. phooey duck
2. lp's picture from a news report. local buffoon crashes six planes in one day, unfortunately survives unharmed
3. lp's darkwing duck fanart
4. fenton's picture. i can't breathe she has pictures of him from his date with gandra yet she used the picture of him in the hospital
5. ludwig von drake pronounced dead (he is very much alive)
[they put a moonlander on the earth!, s3e09]
this line makes me chuckle everytime. guys do u think she wishes to date an earth... female
edit: OH IT WAS CONFIRMED. this is what i get for being late to the party
i'll start on a new zine page sometime this week! it'll most likely be the dtg shrine because it sounds fun, easy, and i won't have to take as many pictures as last time :p
edit: i'm i liar i didn't make the dtg shrine.
i keep letters. even simple, quickly written ones. they make me feel loved. at least a little. they remind me that there are people whom i love and miss.
to me, letters are like an art. there are so many ways to personalize a letter. through your writing, even as simple as the greeting you choose. or through the stationery; maybe you added stickers of their favorite character, found a paper that reminds you of them, or used a pen in their favorite color. writing letters and receiving them... it just gives you a warm feeling.
this summer, i tried to become penpals with my friends. it didn't last very long though, as all of us were way too busy. i knew it would suck to be left waiting, so i made sure to be the last one to send a letter. and, despite the small number of exchanged letters, i still enjoyed it. these letters were the closest i've ever felt to my friends. and i used to be with them everyday! thinking back to it, it makes me a little sad. how difficult it is for me to make connections... how difficult it is for us to send a little letter to a loved one every now and then. it makes me think about my collection of letters. the earliest one is dated january 20, 2013 and the most recent one is dated july 14, 2023. as for the letters in between, one after another, the dates seemed to spread further and further apart.
glomgold's lines in raiders of the doomsday vault kill me. besides the line of the day, "fine. i'll dry off quicker" [adds gas to the fire], this scene always makes me laugh.
OH MY GOD I JUST FOUND A VIDEO COMPILATION THANK YOU HEARTSTOMPER. i made it start at the scene i was talking about but i recommend watching the entire video. 10/10 experience.
today i found out that i have about 3 weeks left of break and not 1. i will be blah blah blahing nonstop now i hope u look forward to it.
took out my drawing tablet for the first time in months just to draw the silly... also unrelated but the ducktales artbook arrived!!!!! it's beautiful
there are a lot of lines that i like from the last crash of the sunchaser so i'll list them here whenever i remember them. which just gave me an idea... maybe i should archive every line of the day. i'm pretty sure i remember all of the past ones. maybe it'll be the first page of the zine!!! i haven't had the time to take pictures of anything yet, so this would be a fun and easy thing to do to start experimenting with the zine css. i'm thinking about separating them into monthly volumes...
update: i lied. i'm missing at least three lotds and i have no idea what they are... i need to repeat every line i have ever giggled over now
--✰--it just came to my attention that flowers aren't everyone's guide to life. which explains my friend's surprise when she read one of my high school essays. it was a cheesy assignment where we had to write about something that symbolizes what we believe in and, of course, i chose flowers. i have numerous personal writings where i ramble about my love for flowers and how they represent life.. the range of human emotions... anything and everything basically. i envision my emotions encased in a flower bud, protected by sepals. my poems are composed of, you guessed it: flower motifs. flowers paved my career path, my art, my understanding of what i feel and desire. they've led me through a door i never thought i could open. if you asked me about my future plans three years ago, i wouldn't have been able to answer because i thought i would be counting down my days by now. but flowers led me through that door. leading to a bright garden. my garden that i can tend to as long as i'd like.
this thought kind of hit me like a train. i used to research flowers and floriography at my lowest to get my mind off things. i never thought it would bring me this much happiness. in so many ways this interest has fueled me :] (← i'm pretty sure this last sentence is another lame quote from my cheesy essay)
--✰--[a series of my flower ramblings]
goofy excerpts from that cheesy high school assignment:
"Flowers are a reminder of the joys in life. They are capsules of the emotions we feel, the link that connects us to each other, and the bits of hope that we need to get through the day."
"Their various shapes, colors, textures, and symbolism go beyond the emotions and concepts I can express through words; it embraces my ideas in the form of something I can mold with my own hands."
silly excerpt from my very mentally unwell and unfinished essay:
"i discovered the vulnerable reality of my disguise: constantly creating sepals, each new one further illuding that i am unbreakable."
stanza from an old love poem:
please excuse me
when i pause to pick up the wandering petals.
i like to see them glide;
white, delicate sheaths
slipping through my fingers
just before i let them carry on
in the swift, flowing breeze
my guinea pig just got out of his hidey. look at that bedhead
last post for today sorry i just had a lot on my mind the past few hours. anyway, i really miss my cousins!!! my favorite people to talk to!!!! the only people i can really ramble to actually. i got to spend time with two of them in may when they came to visit me :) there was one night where we sat in the garage and chatted about our obscure hobbies and whatnot until 4am... it's one of my happiest memories from this year!! it might even be a core memory. i want to hold onto that feeling.
i felt pretty sad earlier today because i realized i probably won't get to talk to one of them for another few years. i don't want to go into details, so i'll just say i'm unable to contact him. our chat in the garage made me feel seen. talking to him didn't make me feel like a weirdo or disappointment, and hearing about his niche hobbies was the most interesting conversation i'd had all year.
i haven't been able to talk to any of my family members about seeking an autism diagnosis because i feel like they'll shut me down or feel uncomfortable with the topic. but during the garage conversation, we started talking about our (mostly his [ADHD], i was still afraid to say something) neurodiversity. it was comfortable. i didn't feel like i had to hide myself. it was also pretty silly because he said he scored a flat ZERO on one of the autism tests. never have i ever heard of someone scoring a zero until that night. it made me lose my mind a little because i scored over 150 on the raads-r. i just lost my train of thought but basically i'll miss my cousin a lot!! and i hope he'll swing by again soon.
ummm one more thing that was on my mind! I CAN'T BELIEVE I NEVER GOT THE MENTAL HELP I ASKED FOR. FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS. I PROBABLY COULD'VE FIGURED I'VE BEEN SUFFERING FROM AUTISTIC BURNOUT SOONER. but whatever i guess... put the past behind u blegh. in all seriousness though, i'm doing pretty well right now. but oo.. a few months ago.... and literally any month before that.. rough. kind of off topic but i just want to feel like myself (again?). i think i masked so much throughout high school that i lost a big chunk of me. not long ago, i couldn't stand myself because the way i functioned felt so artificial. i hated it. i'm trying to find those missing parts though! a little sad that i don't have friends to hang out with and talk to, but spending time alone getting to know myself hasn't been so bad :7
approximately 45 seconds ago i had this feeling that i should post more pictures. since im procrastinating so hard rn here's a picture of teru hip hip hooray
anyone else afraid of swallowing a tiny fly
i just know everyone had a ball making the glomtales opening
i would just like to say that any lines i add to line of the day on the homepage are lines i quote and think about constantly. repeatedly. any moment i can. i worked on earrings for like 5 hours one night and all that went through my head was crowley's, "and not just PRETENDY good. but properly good."
a few days ago i saw a comment about crowley's love for the universe. i don't remember it verbatim, but it rotted my brain for the rest of the day.
JUST FOUND OUT THERE WERE? ARE?? DECODEN MAGAZINES. i saw a scan on pinterest... i'm so obsessed
my favorite part of DuckTales was when Flintheart Glomgold said “it’s glommin’ time” and then glommed all over the place